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Mate: Become the Man Women Want, by Tucker Max, Geoffrey Miller
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The #1 bestselling pioneer of "fratire" and a leading evolutionary psychologist team up to create the dating book for guys
Whether they conducted their research in life or in the lab, experts Tucker Max and Dr. Geoffrey Miller have spent the last 20+ years learning what women really want from their men, why they want it, and how men can deliver those qualities.
The short answer: become the best version of yourself possible, then show it off. It sounds simple, but it's not. If it were, Tinder would just be the stuff you use to start a fire. Becoming your best self requires honesty, self-awareness, hard work and a little help.
Through their website and podcasts, Max and Miller have already helped over one million guys take their first steps toward Ms. Right. They have collected all of their findings in Mate, an evidence-driven, seriously funny playbook that will teach you to become a more sexually attractive and romantically successful man, the right way:
- No "seduction techniques"
- No moralizing
- No bullshit
Just honest, straightforward talk about the most ethical, effective way to pursue the win-win relationships you want with the women who are best for you.
Much of what they've discovered will surprise you, some of it will not, but all of it is important and often misunderstood. So listen up, and stop being stupid!
- Sales Rank: #61261 in Books
- Published on: 2015-09-15
- Released on: 2015-09-15
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.50" h x 1.25" w x 6.25" l, .0 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 384 pages
Review
"Every single page has interesting information. A great resource."―Dr. Drew Pinsky, host of the Loveline radio show and Dr. Drew On Call on HLN
"The most unexpected book of the year: World-famous evolutionary psychologist meets world-famous drunken asshole. The result: A sober, solid, necessary, and authoritative guide not just to dating, but to becoming a better man."―Neil Strauss, author of New York Times bestseller The Game and The Truth
"I wish I could teleport a copy of Mate back in time and give it to my 13-year-old self, and then instruct him to read it once a year for the next decade."―Jake Seliger, author and founder of The Story's Story
"From the very beginning, this book plays it straight. It's about becoming a better person and creating positive, fulfilling relationships. This isn't a book with a predatory, pickup artist mindset."―Aubrey Marcus, founder of Onnit Fitness and the Aubrey Marcus Podcast
"A fascinating look at mating and dating from the perspective of a guy who gained fame for doing the former.... Miller's academic influence gives it some much needed credibility."―Adam Kovac, AskMen.com
About the Author
Tucker Max is the author of I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, which was a #1 New York Times bestseller and has over 2 million copies in print worldwide, and Assholes Finish First and Hilarity Ensues, which both have over a million copies in print worldwide.
Geoffrey Miller, Ph.D., is a tenured professor of evolutionary psychology at University of New Mexico, and the author of The Mating Mind and Spent.
Most helpful customer reviews
42 of 48 people found the following review helpful.
Unexpected, Quality Read. Something for any young man's nightstand.
By Clement Hovey
There are a lot of books out there on sex and dating. The majority are written by swindlers regurgitating some other con’s derivative work. I think of a lot of it as that ‘whispers’ game you played as a kid. One person starts a rumor and then 10 books later you have whole books filled with nonsense. Then an enterprising young broscientist spouts off hearsay as facts to a big email list, and that’s your popular male ‘dating’ books. Given that, I was pretty quick to lump this book in with the rest when I first heard about it a while back.
A few articles in my feed about the book later, curiosity got the best of me and here we are, writing a positive review for a Tucker Max dating book. Not where I planned to be at this exact moment in time, but hopefully useful to give some thoughts on the book. I think the mix of Max’s bro instincts, Miller’s academic background, and their co-writer Nils Parker’s writing abilities make this the best book currently available for young men looking for more information on dating (or at least that I’ve come across). There was first hand research for the first time I’d seen in a book in this category, and simple advice based on legit science and no ‘pump yourself up and get out there’ motivational speaker type nonsense.
The book itself is broken into a 5 step process:
- internal dialogue (building self confidence, etc)
- working on yourself (getting in shape, getting your life together)
-displaying yourself properly (signaling, social proof, etc)
- putting yourself in the best situations to find a compatible mate
-finally "take action" which outlines the author's research and thoughts on the (talking to women, dating women, etc)
Personally I my favorite part of the book was the final bit, the mating markets chapter. I’m in a relationship, but I chucked a bit flashing back to my days pounding my head against the wall after another “unsuccessful” night getting hammered at some s***ty bar. It hit close to home.
There is a ton more, but I’ve already given a bit more time to this review than planned, so all I’ll say is the rest was all as they proclaim -- things I wished I had learned a little bit earlier. I think it would be a good gift (maybe give anonymously) to most young dudes out there.
No matter what your age, I’m sure you’ll still pick up a few new things to think about. I strongly recommend.
63 of 74 people found the following review helpful.
I've been following this advice for 6+ months and totally changed my life. I now go out on 3-4 dates a week.
By Joe Antenucci
With help from Tucker and Nils (authors of this book) I've been getting better with women on Helping Joe (part of the Mating Grounds podcast) for the last 6+ months. Dr. Miller's advice via the Q&As has also been super helpful.
I went from moving to a new city (Austin) where I only new a few people and had 0 women in my life, not even anyone on my radar or prospective "she's cute, maybe I should ask her out" girls... to now going on multiple dates a week, easily meeting new women, and dating a few girls casually.
The same advice they gave me is also in this book.
Personally, my favorite chapters are...
Chapter 2 -> How different (and sometimes scary) it is to be a woman (What it's like to be a woman)
I re-read this like 2-3x, so enlightening. And the Perspective-Taking Exercise they have the end of this chapter is a great way to better understand women every day. Great stuff.
Chapter 3 -> Clarify mating goals and how to figure out where you are in life and what you want
The Exercise to figure out what you want at the end of this chapter is super helpful. I took 10 minutes and I came away with a lot better idea of what I wanted (short+medium term relationships).
Chapters 15 & 17 -> Mating markets and how to put yourself in a place to do really with women
I remember when they first talked about this on the podcast and it blew me away because it was such a simple concept that 99% of all dating advice misses, like doesn't even f*cking mention, but it's so important.
Where you live (from country to city to neighborhood) & where you hang out (work and play) matters A LOT. The podcast episodes they did on this were great but the book gives a much better breakdown.
30 of 37 people found the following review helpful.
Every young (and not-so-young) guy should read this. Like right now.
By Hilary Sara
I'm obsessed with elaborate etiquette manuals, weird instructional films from the 1950s, creepy books about how to pick up women or hypnotize people to do your bidding. Attempts to shape human behavior are as fascinating as human behavior itself. It was in this spirit that I jumped into Mate, not quite knowing what to expect.
Damn, I was blown away.
As a woman, I'm not the target audience for this book. But I have this to say: ATTENTION ALL GUYS, READ THIS NOW! Yeah, this book will get you laid. But more importantly, it'll make you a better, happier, healthier person. Unlike a lot of "self help" books, this one is based upon actual science. The authors bring in a ton of insights based on what real women actually want and care about, and they've distilled all this stuff into a detailed, comprehensive manual that should be required reading for any dude before he is allowed out into the world. Speaking from the perspective of a woman who has turned down countless guys for countless reasons, I can say with assurance that the insights in this book are super-accurate and powerful. And not at all sexist or creepy/manipulative. If every guy read this in his late teens or 20s (or even older — it's never too late), it would raise the overall happiness level of *everyone* by a lot.
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